Paige Besante | On 11, Nov 2019

To My Ghost,

It was nice to see you again today, and I promise, I will find a name for you soon. Today, I had a super long day at work, but I’m glad to be home now to be able to write to you, as it is the highlight of my remaining days. I write to you every day in my journal, sometimes even twice, and I have not told anyone. They would think I’m crazy. 

I write to you every day, and you only show yourself rarely. Today, you showed yourself in my kitchen, your figure a dark blur in my eyes. After that, I did not see you again today. I write to you always, and yet you do now show yourself to me more often. I’m always around, and yet you stay hidden in the shadows of my apartment to watch me suffer and struggle in silence. You know my every emotion, know my every move, and yet you stay away. You are the ghost of me. The ghost of my past, the ghost of my present, and the ghost also of my future.

I miss you every day when you’re not here. I wish I had someone to talk to more often, as you’re my only friend, but to no avail, after my begging, you do not show your face. I am grateful for the times that you do show your face, like when I’m doing homework in bed and you watch, or when I’m falling asleep and you’re there to see. It’s kind of creepy, but then again, it’s almost comforting that you’re there.

I sometimes wish you were alive to see me. I wonder how you were in the past, who you loved, who you were related to. Why did you choose me? Why have you been here for years? I will write to you again tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Belle