Juliette Pangilinan | On 11, Nov 2019

Why?

That’s a loaded question, isn’t it? You could have a million answers to such a simple question, and yet… none of them could satisfy me.

Why?

I never understood why you did what you did, but then again, when did I ever? You were full of so many surprises that I couldn’t keep track.

Why?

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time before that night. I wish I could ask you how your day was and what you learned in art class this time.

Why?

I hate you. I hate you for leaving me and leaving me with the never-ending questions. I hate that a piece of my happiness died when you did. I hate you.

Why?

I’m mad at you. I am beyond angry with you. You left. You left me with no hesitation – with no looking back. You just… left. You took a piece of me and left.

Why?

I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. I didn’t get one last second with you. I didn’t get a chance to help you. I didn’t see the signs.

Why?

There are nights I still think about you. Times where I still break down when something reminds me of you or when someone mentions your name.

Why?

You took your last breath and you were alone. I got the call the next day and I felt my world crashing down. I wasn’t there. You died alone.

Why?

I failed you. I knew the signs but I was blind when it came to you. I blame myself. It’s my fault. I had one job – to make sure you were okay. I failed you.

Why?

Such a loaded question, isn’t it? You could have a million answers to a simple question, and yet… none of them could satisfy me.

Why?